Donor H.E. is a laboratory specialist from Utah. She studied Genetics in undergrad, and is looking to pursue a PhD in population genetics in the future. H.E. lives an active […]
Donor H.E. is a laboratory specialist from Utah. She studied Genetics in undergrad, and is looking to pursue a PhD in population genetics in the future. H.E. lives an active lifestyle and enjoys playing many sports, especially basketball and tennis. She is currently training for a marathon.
Can you tell me a little bit about yourself, your background, where you’re calling from?
Yeah, so I live in Utah. I come from a big family. I graduated with a degree in genetics and family history, and then now I’m studying genetics in graduate school. I grew up playing basketball, soccer, and I play a lot of tennis right now – and I played in college and growing up. And I run a lot. I have a dog. I don’t know!
Oh amazing! What kind of dog do you have?
A King Charles cavalier.
Oh my god my mom loves those!
I highly recommend them.
Ok so, can you tell me a little bit about how and why you became an egg donor? Where did you hear about it and what kind of prompted you to go through with it?
I think I saw an ad online one time and I had no idea that was like a thing. So I knew about it that way, but then actually in my undergraduate work we worked on male infertility. We worked with sperm, and we had to have sperm donors and we would use their sperm to analyze healthy sperm vs. not healthy sperm. Often we would need to also have women egg embryos in our studies, and I learned they’re from egg donors, and I was like oh that’s crazy!
And then three of my closest friends have struggled with infertility, with like PCOS, and another one had to do IVF. So anyway, I learned a little bit about it personally as well as scientifically, and I was like okay it’s interesting… and then obviously it’s monetarily advantageous so that’s also helpful.
I think I wouldn’t have gone through with it had I not known people personally that were struggling with infertility, because that just kind of opens up your heart a little bit to knowing like hey, I could help people like this – people that I love that I know would make great parents, that just don’t have that biological option.
Yeah that totally makes sense. And going into the application process, did you talk to your family or friends about it? If so, what was their reaction?
Not during the application process. I waited to see if I got approved first before I told anyone! And then I was definitely like nervous to talk to people, and still to this day – I’ve gotten a lot more comfortable with letting people know, but I’m pretty specific about who I do share it with because people do have opinions on it.
So yeah, I told my sister and that was chill. I told my mom and I was worried to tell her – I thought she’d be like, really? She’s older, very like – what’s the word – old school I guess! But her niece had to have IVF so she was like oh my gosh that’s cool! She doesn’t know the full details and I think she’d probably die if she did, but that’s fine! She’s okay with it. My dad was not happy with it. That’s fine. I asked my mom not to tell my dad, but then she just did because that’s just how she does things, but it’s okay!
So anyways, I do try to keep it kind of private for my family because that’s due to their like political views or whatever. I don’t think that they would be okay with it. But my friends are all super supportive – it’s been good. I thought I would get more pushback and like resentment or like weird looks than I do, and I don’t.
And did you have any specific worries or concerns about becoming an egg donor or about any part of the process?
Yeah, I think my biggest thing was is this going to affect my fertility? And I was like concerned – because I’m like almost thirty – oh am I going to be infertile? But I learned a woman’s best indicator of when she’ll go through menopause is actually when her mom went through menopause and her grandma. My mom didn’t actually even go through menopause – she just got a hysterectomy when she was like 40 and neither did my grandma. My grandma had like 13 or 14 children, and then her ovaries collapsed.
Oh my goodness!
I know – yeah her ovaries collapsed! They were like stop it!
They were like we’re done!
We can’t do this anymore! And she was like in her 40s so I was like okay, this is okay. I have no idea if I will ever have children, but knowing I’m okay, I’m going to be able to have kids, this isn’t going to like take that away from me, and I have time. Those were my biggest concerns and they were resolved.
But I would say it would’ve been nice to see data, and like studies that have shown like this is okay – this isn’t going to take that away from you.
Yeah it’s very common to have that concern – it’s one of the ones we hear the most from egg donors when they are applying. So how was the donation process for you like? How was the clinic that you went to?
It’s been good! So I’ve done three egg donations, and I’ve gone to the same clinic every time. It’s been great. I have taken three different people every time to go with me – my sister, my boyfriend at the time, and then this most recent one I took my best friend. They have been so accommodating. My sister didn’t come out the full time, but she was there when the whole thing needed to happen. When my boyfriend came out he was there the whole time – they were super accommodating. And then when my best friend came out, she had to bring her almost two year old, and so they like made sure everything was taken care of in that regard.
The clinic is great. The clinic is helpful. I think they see a lot of egg donors, and I can kind of sense that and that’s fine. But it’s like hello, yeah, you have that on repeat, that’s okay! And that also means they’re good at what they do. So yeah!
Yeah definitely! And you know I know that egg donation is different, but did you feel any discomfort or physical side effects during the process?
The second one was my toughest. And it was rough. But the first one it was funny – I was like woah that was a piece of cake! Second one I was like okay, hold up. This third one has been somewhere in the middle.
The second one I was in pain just right off the bat, like right coming out of surgery I was like I am feeling not okay. And it wasn’t like excruciating, but it was there. And I honestly think it had a lot to do with the anesthesia – and I told them that this time and it went a lot better. This time I’ve had pain, but not nearly as much.
And did you feel like you needed to take a few days off after? How soon did you go back to your regular activities?
Well, the second one I was planning to go back like I had the first time, which was like the day I got home I was good. And I’m a very active person. I probably would get in trouble for how close to it I go running and I play tennis and I like shouldn’t but it’s my life and I have to get back to it – I love it so much!
I went back to tennis I think the day after I got back, so two days post-surgery and that was fine. I could feel my ovaries kind of bouncing around a little bit more than usual which is such a weird feeling! But it was fine. And I’ve run since then, and that’s been fine. Today is the second day of my period post-egg retrieval and it is a little more painful than I’m used to – like a little bit more crampy. Usually I don’t even really know I’m on my period so that’s kind of a bummer, but it’s okay.
Did you have any sort of expectations going into it – I mean I know you’ve done it before, but were there any surprises or was the experience kind of as expected?
In this are you asking more about the actual cycle or the trip or like…?
Really just any part of it! If there was anything that kind of went differently than you expected… in either a good way or a bad way!
It was quicker than I thought. To be honest, I didn’t want it to happen as soon because I’m training for a marathon in October and I’ve been like really doing well in my training and I didn’t want to have to take a week off. So I was talking to my lawyer about that, and I was like hey I really don’t want to do it before – like if it’s right now I can do it (this is a couple months ago), but other than that I want to wait.
My lawyer suggested putting in as long as it was before August 31st, and she’s like there’s no way they’re going to complete it by then. But we both didn’t take into consideration that I already had my medical clearance, so I didn’t have to do that first visit. And I’m fine! I might not PR, that’s okay, I’m okay haha!
But that was a shock. I didn’t realize how quick it can be if you have your medical clearance, I suppose.
Right, as a proven donor if you’ve already done some of that stuff.
Well, yeah because my last donation was in February and in between those two – my first one and my second one were I think like more than a year apart, so I had to go back in for the one day visit in San Diego. And this time I didn’t have to do that, so it was very quick.
I was pleasantly surprised. The first time I didn’t have continental breakfast, or like breakfast included at the hotel. The second time they put us in a different hotel because I had asked for two beds, and so they did have continental breakfast. This time I guess the way that they booked I guess we did have breakfast included in our reservation? And I loved that! I really appreciate it. I feel like one of the best things about hotels is continental breakfast! And it makes my per diem last longer. So I love that! I don’t know if that was an oversight or what, but I was like please have this continue on! It made me very happy.
No that’s great – I love that! So looking back at the whole experience or maybe just this past one, what would you say has been the best thing about being an egg donor for you?
The best thing… I definitely enjoy the like random week. Going with someone and having the freedom to go to San Diego – the past two times I’ve gotten a rental car, driven to LA (I have really good friends there), and then we drive back and it enables us to do that. That’s been fun.
It’s been a huge relief monetarily for me. And that’s been really good. It’s enabled me to just like do a lot of things financially that I have wanted to and have goals to do. So yeah!
Is the compensation something you are putting towards something specific or just kind of saving up for the future?
You know, it’s kind of funny – maybe this is too personal but I will just share it. My family grew up extremely poor – like very, very poor. They didn’t really teach us good like financial habits, so [egg donation] has put me in a place where I can actually start to like take control of my finances. I had to work multiple jobs all throughout my undergraduate degree, and also just in life – a lot.
So I have finally been able to have financial freedom in that regard. So it has helped me. I’ve invested some, I’ve put a lot towards getting out of debt for school and such, and giving me leeway in that regard. I love my parents, but I don’t take anything from them in the way of money and I haven’t for years, and I’m grateful that this has enabled me to not have to go to them for help, because they would hold that over me.
That’s waayyy TMI, but I am really grateful in that regard for this!
No honestly that’s wonderful to hear. We have a lot of donors that the money is really significant and can really change your life in a great way, so that’s great to hear. And how did you find working with Intend? Do you have any feedback that you’d like to share with our team?
It’s been good! I seriously like tell anyone that has come with me, I’m like they take very good care of me. I always appreciate you guys. I feel like I do have a say in things. Part of me was worried that I wouldn’t ever – that I just have to shut up and do what I am given because I’m being compensated. But I don’t ever feel that way. I feel listened to. I feel like you guys care about my schedule, and that we can make things work.
Ok great! The last question I have is, what advice do you have for someone who’s interested in becoming an egg donor?
I would say if you’re nervous about it and worried about the time constraint, go for it. That was something I was concerned about, because it says like you have to have two weeks off. And that sounds so stressful! Like is that all my PTO? I just feel like it’s been a lot less stressful than that. I’ve been able to work remote, I’ve been able to take time off and whatever. But I also realize that’s not everyone’s situation.
I would suggest making sure that you’re mentally okay with it. Take the time to really think about like, this is going to be my DNA with someone else. I used to work in genetic genealogy – they will probably find you in the future, given Ancestry.com, 23&Me (that’s now bankrupt). Like they will probably find you, and you have to kind of be okay with that.
But I think don’t be so concerned about the time constraint – it’s a lot more flexible than it might sound and if you’re worried about yourself, you can still have children in the future.
Note: this interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.